Adventures in Restauranteering

Loyal fans, I'd love to have all of you over at one time to sit at my kitchen table, but I've been busy and unable to attend this site. It's a heavy job grading papers, making up final exam extra credit questions based on the lyrics of Queen and replying to students who "didn't realize" the final was (fill in date).

You know how so many people say they dream of one day opening their own restaurant? Are they retarded? "My cousin's girlfriend really liked my 7-layer taco dip, so I'm taking out a home equity loan next week...." While I've never harbored these aspirations myself, I have thought it would be fun to have a down and dirty diner or similar low-rent hangout - less a place to eat than a place to get out of the rain that happens to have food inside.
Many people remember my ideas for an all grilled cheese restaurant (surely there are several already pocking Manhattan) and a few even remember my Ring Toss Diner business plan. Upon entering, instead of a menu patrons would be handed a few rings and directed to toss them onto a large pegboard. Each peg signifies something different - some good, some bad - and you have to abide by the peg during your visit. Free Lunch. Liver and Onions. You Pay Twice. Decaf Only with Meal. Bus Your Own Table. Free Muffin. Sit Next to Restroom. I envision a small but loyal clientele, one both daring and determined enough to improve their motor skills in their spare time. But alas, the days of fantasizing about opening "Cheeses Christ" and my combo Mexican-Greek "Hey Zeus" are long gone.
In light of our increasing paranoia regarding food-borne illnesses, I've left restaurant conceptualization to others and decided to focus on naming. Oh wait... maybe it's "branding"...? Damn me for not getting an MBA! It would be SO incredibly useful now! Anyhow...
here is a partial list of up and coming hot spots:

. . . ecoli (pronounced EK-oh-lee, and yes, all lower case is mandatory)
. . . Cafe Listeria
. . . Sam'n'Ella's Deli
. . . Mama Botulisma's
. . . The Tow Main Grill
. . . Giardia Tratorria (specializing in "wild-caught" waters of the world)
. . . Kholera Kountry Kitchen

The list could go on, but I'm quite busy. I've got to go set some food out in the sun.